Kofi's hat

Kofi's hat

MP3s, music news and reviews, and a sprinkling of pop culture. Named by Aqualung's Matt Hales, after his son.

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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

Ink in my blood, a song in my heart. Metaphor is my middle name.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Wussiest Rock Songs Ever

In its August issue, on sale Tuesday, Blender takes a break from its insightful coverage of the Pussycat Dolls and Johnny Knoxville to list the sixteen wussiest rock songs ever. They probably picked the number sixteen because it's the least wussy number. Yeah; rock!

Blender's 16 Totally Wussy Songs To Mock and Hurl Hatred Toward*

*the actual title of their list is wussier than that

Air Supply - "All Out of Love"

James Blunt - "You're Beautiful"

Debby Boone - "You Light Up My Life"

Bread - "If"

Captain & Tennille - "Muskrat Love"

Chicago - "You're the Inspiration"

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - "Our House"

Dan Fogelberg - "Longer"

Taylor Hicks - "Do I Make You Proud"

Dan Hill - "Sometimes When We Touch"

Michael Jackson - "She's Out of My Life"

Loggins & Messina - "Danny's Song"

'N Sync - "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You"

Lionel Richie - "Hello"

Simon & Garfunkel - "Scarborough Fair"

Stevie Wonder - "I Just Called to Say I Love You"

First, rock songs? How many of those songs are really "rock"? "Muskrat Love", sure, that rocks, but then again, it isn't wussy either. It's one of the least wimpy songs about rodents in love! Also, people who call Chicago or Air Supply songs wussy might just be jealous because they can't open up emotionally like those guys. People who call that James Blunt song wussy just don't appreciate bad music. It's mostly a list of love songs the Blender people don't like. I dislike "Lady In Red" and Celine Dion songs, so maybe that means they're "wussier".

A list of the 25 wussiest rock artists includes Hilary Duff, Chris Martin, and Kenny G in the top ten (Yanni is nowhere in sight), with James Taylor landing in the top spot despite not producing any songs wussy enough to make it to the Top Wussy 16. Blender says they chose him for starting "an era of confessional, listen-to-my-troubles singer/songwriters and turn(ing) self-examination into a hallmark of the baby-boom generation." Yeah, self-examination as a trait of babyboomers? That's really all on Taylor's head. Also, self-examination is apparently very bad. There are better things to be cross at babyboomers for, like lying about what they did in the 60s or making you fight for your right to party when you were a kid, just because they were bitter that they really spent the 60s reading textbooks and sipping herbal tea.

Chicago's video for "You're The Inspiration":


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