There, There, America

It's difficult being an American right about now. Much of the world is cross with us, and about 43% of us devote our time to coming up with statistics to make us feel worse about ourselves. To wit, Americans are "far more socially isolated" than they were twenty years ago, and it's partly the Internet's fault. We're a bit isolated from the global community as well, due to our disinterest in the World Cup, as well as the world's declining views of America, Americans, and American foreign policy.

Young Americans who watch the Daily Show are allegedly more cynical about politics. Regardless of their viewing habits, a new study concludes that Americans are staying immature well into adulthood. The "virtues" of youth, such as "cognitive flexibility" set the tone for our culture, but so do the faults of youth, such as a short attention span.

According to a recent study, Canadians are more healthy and active than Americans. Canadians! The people who go on and on about
Tim Hortons as though the place invented the donut. But they have universal health care, and they might have plenty of social contact as they eat all those donuts and sip their coffee.

What to do about all of this (the problems, not the Canadians sipping their coffee)? Listening to music may increase intelligence, mental health, and immunity. So:

Step 1: listen to a lot of music.

Step 3: Profit.

No, wait.

Step 2: Improve intelligence, and health, and all that stuff that requires work.

Step 3: Then a miracle happens (or: Figure out the rest).

As consolation, we've never earned more, spent less on necessities, or had a higher standard of living (than we did in 2002-2003, the most recent year for which statistics are available).

Oh no, now the non-Americans hate us even more.

Fountains of Wayne - Mexican Wine (available on Welcome Interstate Managers)

Sam Phillips - Power World (available on Omnipop (It's Only A Flesh Wound Lambchop))

Great Lake Swimmers - Imaginary Bars (available on available on Bodies and Minds)

Yo La Tengo - Cherry Chapstick (available on And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside-Out)

Beulah - Night Is The Day Turned Inside Out (available on The Coast Is Never Clear)

Band Of Holy Joy - What The Moon Saw (available on Manic, Magic, Majestic)

The Album Leaf - Asleep (available on One Day I'll Be On Time)