Baby, It's Cold Outside (Again)

Longtime readers might recall I'm partial to the song "Baby, It's Cold Outside", which I find the charming holiday equivalent of The Continental from Saturday Night Live. Lacking that Christopher Walken magic, this admittedly cheesy song might not be quite as tasty as Walken at his best, but it's still a fun holiday classic... for some reason.

It's odd that it should seem likeable. An annoyingly coy, possibly nicotine-addicted woman keeps saying she really has to leave a guy's house following a date, and keeps not leaving. She lists several reasons she must take her leave. The guy is unresponsive to the reasons, instead nagging her to stay by throwing her a couple compliments and by making her think she might die of pneumonia if she doesn't stick around.

He increases the odds of her getting pneumonia (or least becoming very chilly) by:
- delaying her (the later she leaves, the colder it will be)
- giving her alcohol
- making her think she can't get a taxi (would she try to walk home?), and
- taking away her hat.

Grim, grim stuff.

It shouldn't work, but neither should peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, and they can be rather good.

The song's lyrics helpfully invite you to dish about anyone who doesn't do it justice. When I first heard Rod Stewart croon, "How can you do this thing to me?" to Dolly Parton, I laughed. She has more right to ask that question of him, as does anyone who has heard his mangled, very sleepy vocals and painful improvised banter (not surprisingly, Parton is much better at improvising. She is particularly believable when she tells Stewart to "Get out of here.")

At least he recruited a singing partner from among the living, unlike Martina McBride, who perhaps sings so quickly during her unfortunate duet with the late Dean Martin because she feels guilty and is just trying to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Most of my favorite versions of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" have some jazz/swing/big band flavor. The song is old-fashioned; it lends itself to music that also feels "retro" to modern ears. Plus, a jazzy treatment infuses the song with elegance. Listening to a version of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" backed by a fancy big band is classy. Listening to Barry Manilow sing "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is not. That just makes you think "Hey, Barry Manilow is begging a woman to spend the night with him. For sex-related purposes!" Something just doesn't seem right about that.

Women throw their underwear at him; why would Barry Manilow waste so much time coaxing this chick? But then Charlie Sheen had sex with a lot of prostitutes. There's an odious comparison. A holiday song shouldn't force us to ponder such unmerry thoughts unless it's for a good cause.

Perhaps hating the song for one or many of the reasons I've mentioned, Filegunner steadfastly refused to upload song after song yesterday, all assorted versions of "Baby".

So instead there are a bunch of "Baby"s at http://drop.io/coldoutside (some new; some repeats from years past.) The password is kofis-hat. You can listen to and download any or all of the songs, individually. The downloads, when I checked them, were very fast. Please let me know if you have any trouble with them.

Making Woodblock-Melodic Tom-Harp Ambient

Hope everyone had a very Happy Thanksgiving. Mine was excellent, despite including some football (watched some while "rapping" with teenagers). It's okay; the rest was good.

By way of update (see last post/comments), no reply from Gibson yet. Incidentally, The String Master was the first Robot Guitar, has a better name, and is only $49.95. I'm just sayin'.

If you're in the mood to make a bit of free customized music, you might give Wolfram Tones a try. Read up on the math wizardry behind the site if you're so inclined, or delve directly into making music.

Choose from fifteen song styles, such as rock/pop, experimental, world, dance, and ambient, or select "random style". Adjust the tempo and pitch; adjust it some more... then put it back a bit, because you haven't played enough if you haven't pushed any of the settings too far. Choose percussion (if you like), plus up to five instruments (including some vocal options), and specify their role in your song (such as first lead). Of course there's a tinkle bell, reverse cymbal, and Japanese flute, but there's also some cool instruments that are used less often like glockenspiel and music box. There are lots of synth instruments and effects to try, and don't forget the pan flute. Like you could.

You can save your little MIDI masterpiece for posterity (well, at least you'll get a "permanent URL" where it will be stored for you), with the enticing option of making the little gem your ringtone. We are truly living in an age of miracles, and it's all thanks to math. The next time I hear a ringtone, I'm totally gonna think of math.

(Here's a rock/pop tune I made pre-woodblock/melodic tom/harp anthem. I'm not completely satisfied with it; the pitch could use some tweaking and it needs more woodblock.)

I, For One, Welcome Our Robot Guitar Overlords

Via BotJunkie, comes word of the self-tuning Gibson Robot Guitar, which goes on sale December 7th in "select locations". It will be the first run of a limited edition, with only ten guitars available at each store. The "regular model" will be available in late 2008 and everyone knows it won't be as "cool" by virtue of it having gone on sale at a later date and its "regular" status.

The Gibson is a shiny, attractive guitar, and could prove useful to many—perhaps even a necessity for some players (can everyone tune a guitar?). In the "con" column, BotJunkie points out that the Gibson is not the first robotic guitar on the market. Not only does it lack that "it's the first!" botstreetcred, the Robot Guitar lacks a cool robot name. "The Robot Guitar" is seriously unimaginative.

Plus, this instructional video reveals all sorts of human intervention and effort is required to tune the guitar, change its strings, and such. Isn't it enough that work is still required to play the thing?

"Feed string through hole in post and hand-tighten post screw"? Didn't I get a robotic guitar to avoid that sort of labor? "Turn knob to appropriate string symbol position. Press twice. Push and hold for three seconds." Three seconds?! Isn't this thing supposed to be a time-saver? I don't have three seconds to waste hanging around pressing robot knobs!

However, I like that people are required to "push power head tuner knob back in to engage" because it sounds vaguely futuristic, and makes it sound like they're going to have a conversation with their robot guitar.

"What song should we play, ShredBot?"

"Do you want to give 'Little Wing' a try? I think you're ready for it."

"Don't you mean, "I think we're ready for it?"

"Ha-ha-ha-ha."

That was not part of a sitcom spec script, so no striking writers should be horribly offended. Fans of humor and enemies of tangents are free to be offended.

Oxford American Southern Music Issue/CD #9

The annual music issue of Oxford American is always a treat and the 9th, on shelves now, isn't the exception that proves the rule.

Their free CD includes plenty of good blues, jazz, soul, R&B, country, folk, and pop. The magazine includes profiles (some with interviews) of all 26 artists represented on the CD and 3-page liner notes (including the Editor's thoughts on the goal of the compilation/any "mix tape"). Other articles include a feature on Writers Who Rocked and a piece on the making of Blonde on Blonde. A partly handwritten manuscript page allows you play graphologist; I'll start... he's... not afraid to change direction, even to cross-out mistakes... and start over. OK, your turn.

Oxford American Southern Music CD #9 Track Listing:

1. Eldridge Holmes - "If I Were A Carpenter"
2. The Hackensaw Boys - "Look Out Dog, Slow Down Train"
3. The Clovers - "One Mint Julep"

4. Sandy Posey - "I Take It Back"

Oh my. "Sometimes it's better to be loved than it is to love." If she really thought that, she wouldn't have been so persistent in her efforts to break up with her boyfriend in this disturbingly catchy tune, from 1966. Oxford American rightly points out how anachronous Posey's songs are and asks her about this in an interview.

She claims she "was so involved in music and what would be commercial and what wouldn't be" that she has "no clue what the public was saying about women in general back then." She talks about women today being "more knowledgeable" and then says things like "God created man to be the leader of the home." Geesh. Could she take that back?

5. Reverend Charlie Jackson - "Morning Train"

6. Van Dyke Parks - "G-Man Hoover" (Oh great, yet another kicky political calypso/pop song from the 70s. I'm sure we're all tired of that trend... ... ... This is a pretty keen song.)

7. The Zakary Thaks - "Bad Girl"
8. Karen Dalton - "Katie Cruel"
9. The Roches - "Hammond Song"

10. Teddy Grace - "Hey Lawdy Papa" (on Teddy Grace: 1937-1940)

Oxford: "'The man I love/Got a mouth full of gold' sounds like a boast out a rap tune, but it's from demure, preppy Teddy Grace. Although—I won't lie—she does break-dance during instrumental parts."

He is lying (well, kidding). The sadder-but-wiser mood of Grace's 1939 bluesy-jazz song wouldn't lend itself to headspins. She is still enamoured with this man, even though his heart may not be as golden as his mouth. However, Teddy Grace is no Sandy Posey: "I been a fool/Won't be for no one else/From now on, Daddy, I'm gonna be all for myself." Regardless of her feelings, not only is she through with Gold Mouth, she's out for number one now. According to her profile in the Oxford American, Grace married three times. This song was released the same year (1939) as Gone With the Wind; I like to think at least the sadder-but-wiser version of Grace never would have gone for Rhett Butler.

11. Betty Davis - "Anti Love Song" (on Betty Davis)

And just as hard as I'd fall for you, boy
Well, you know you'd fall for me harder
That's why I don't why I don't want to love you

Elizabeth Barrett Browning it's not, but it's love poetry nonetheless. There's a theory that all romantic relationships are about a power struggle, with both people afraid of losing control. Davis growls, huskily, about not wanting to be possessed by this man, knowing she'd possess him, and be possessed by him, if they got involved.

I know you could have me shaking
I know you could have me climbing walls
That's why I don't want to love you
'Cause I know how you are

12. Dwight Yoakam - "Yet To Succeed"

13. Amy LaVere - "Killing Him" (on Anchors & Anvils) Oxford: "What I keep hearing in this voice is Dolly Parton mixed with Ella Fitzgerald mixed with LaVere's own secret ingredient. What I keep hearing in those words is: The sound of tables turning. (A modern-day treasure, ladies and gents.)" Amy La Vere's voice is sweet and winsome. These qualities are key to the success of the song, both because the lyrics are a tad redundant and could grow tiresome if her voice was less endearing, and because the song is about a murder. A woman kills her loutish husband, then finds she misses him terribly: "Killing him didn't make the love go away".

I didn't immediately quite get the Parton-Fitzgerald comparison, but upon reflection I think the Dolly Parton comparison is a really good one. There's a charm in Amy LaVere's voice that's similar to Dolly Parton's... Both women have soft, sweet voices, with a slight quaver. LaVere currently has one concert scheduled for April 19 next year, in Calgary.

14. Don Redman - "That Blue Eyed Baby From Memphis"
15. Mayo Thompson - "The Lesson"
16. The International Submarine Band - "I Must Be Somebody Else You've Known"
17. The Parchman Prison Band - "Parchman Farm"
18. Joe Bennett & The Sparktones - "Bayou Rock"
19. Thelonious Monk - "Trinkle, Tinkle"
20. David Banner - "Cadillac On 22's"
21. Fred Neil - "Little Bit Of Rain"
22. Betty Harris - "Cry to Me" (Stellar R&B song)
23. Percy Mayfield - "Ha Ha In The Daytime"
24. Iris DeMent - "Sweet Is The Melody"
25. Daniel Johnston - "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Your Grievances"
26. The Roches - "Hammond Song"

In L.A. and Make Musical Instruments, Robots, or "Unusual Machines"?

If you hack bikes, have a kite-related hobby, or do "cool" RC modifications, Maker Faire might be right up your alley.

Staffers at Make Magazine and Craft Magazine regularly put together events called Maker Faire to encourage more people "to roll up their sleeves and become makers."

There will be a miniature version of Maker Faire called Maker Square at the Felt Club XL Holiday event, which is scheduled to take place Sunday, November 18th 11 AM - 6 PM at Los Angeles City College. More than 75 vendors will be there, including Dandy Brand, which makes cute mixtape pins (among other things).



Craft and Make Magazine are looking for non-commercial projects for Maker Square. They "particularly encourage exhibits that are interactive and that highlight the process of making things." Individuals and groups are welcome to submit entries; see their magazines' joint blog entry for full guidelines, including how to enter a project.

Make and Craft's list of "some suggested ideas for topics that we're looking for" includes "How to Fix Things or Take them Apart (Vacuums, Clocks, Washing Machines, etc", so if you'd like to enter a project, but feel like you lack the skillz, consider something like "Taking Apart A Clock". If you don't care about putting it back together again, it doesn't sound that hard.

However, that sort of topic may lose out if there are entries from people with great steampunk skillz who aren't using them for commercial purposes... Plus, they want to see robots, kites, and musical instruments (who can blame them?) and ham radio projects (and who can-well... I'd rather see a robot that plays an instrument or flies a kite, but reasonable minds may differ.)

Jettie - Vessels Make The Greatest Sounds (on Heading For Mornings)

Tei Towa - Sound Museum (on Sound Museum) ("Mr. Smith would like to know how many robots there are." "There are ten robots.")

Steriogram - Walkie Talkie Man (on Walkie Talkie Man)

Valuable Lessons from Christmas Cartoons

It's November, and for those of us who celebrate it, the Christmas season has truly begun. That's partly because some retail giants have said so, via "preview" sales starting Friday. Plus, on a more personal level, the first in the 2007 series of Holiday Debates has begun between my mother and brother on the topic of Christmas Presents. My mom thinks they're delightful, and likes exchanging presents. She'd also like it if my brother would make a list. Whereas my brother thinks everyone in the family has everything they need, and says he certainly does. He thinks everyone should just make a donation to charity for Christmas. They both repeat their opinions every year.

Oh, how delightful that another Christmas season is upon us.

At confusing times like these, why not try to learn from the wisdom offered by the great philosophers of the modern era – our beloved television friends? What lessons might Inspector Gadget and Skeletor have to teach us about things holiday stress, the spirit of the season?

Fortunately, in these modern times, there's a hella-lot of these vids. online... Let's take a look at a few:

Pac-Man (1982)

Christmas Comes to PacLand - Part 1:



(Alas, parts 2 and 3 were removed, so there's only the first part to savor.)

"It's a good thing my list is computerized or I'd never get the job done on time!" - Santa

Lesson: while Santa is delivering "subtle" pro-computer propaganda he also makes a good point. Particularly at very busy times like the holidays, lists can help us reign in the chaos.

Rubik, The Amazing Cube

Rubik's First Christmas - Clip (1983)



Melodramatic Lisa is whining about presents being gone (stolen?) and how it's the "worst Christmas of our lives". Just when you think the lesson is going to be "Christmas isn't about presents; it's about love," the image of presents, appears in her tear. Her crying saved Christmas!

Lesson: If you need to vent, or cry, every so often, go ahead. You may feel better afterward. (But don't expect presents. Those are probably, like, symbolic gifts for our purposes. Getting presents for crying would not be healthy.)

He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special (1985)

Part 1:



(The rest of the special is posted here.)

"A season of love, caring, joy? Yecch! What a disgusting idea! Well, there's no Christmas spirit here!" - Skeletor

Yet he not only can't bring himself to leave a puppy to die in the snow, he carries the dog away himself. He sees the dog shivering, and looks in his eyes, and can't abandon him. Some supervillain!

Lessons: Much like the flu, Christmas spirit is infectious. (Oh, and get your flu shot if you're a good candidate for it.) Michael Vick is more of a villain than Skeletor. People can be surprising in their capacity for evil, but the opposite is true as well... any time of year. And we should try to look for that spirit of kindness and, uh, be infected by it, year-round. Awww. Also, continuing the infection theme, Skeletor reported feeling odd after acting kind, so be aware that if you aren't used to being nice, you may feel odd and disoriented afterward. If you usually feel that way, you may feel oriented after being nice. Weird.

Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas (1992)

A clip:



"You put a dog collar on Santa?" - Penny

Lesson: Keep stress under control so you don't reach a point where you'll feel like lashing out.

My Little Pony: A Very Minty Christmas (2005)

Part 1:



I-can-only-suspend-my-disbelief-so-much-moment: (spoiler alert!) When one of the talking horses tells the other talking horses that Minty the talking horse has taken a hot air balloon. Excuse me? I'm supposed to believe that a miniature horse has gone on a hot air balloon ride? I think that's just a bit much!

Lesson: (spoiler alert!) the tiny horse seemed pretty panicky after they did that, so perhaps the lesson is, hey, don't try to solve your problems with a hot air balloon (or by running away in any sort of balloon-aided device); you'll only go freaking yourself out, not to mention the impact upon your... community.