Kofi's hat

Kofi's hat

MP3s, music news and reviews, and a sprinkling of pop culture. Named by Aqualung's Matt Hales, after his son.

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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

Ink in my blood, a song in my heart. Metaphor is my middle name.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Truly Terrible Halloween Costumes

Hey kids -

It's never too early to think about Halloween costumes. Well, maybe it could be. But it's not that early and I'm not yet finished with an album review I hope to eventually finish, by gum. So instead you're getting a Halloween costume post.

At first I wondered why it looked like the pepperoni had been shot and was bleeding profusely. Then I took another look at the guy and his costume. A terrible, weird costume and obviously fake, exaggerated expression of jubilance doesn't justify violence on Halloween or any other night, but why increase the risk someone will hurt you by buying this costume and making that expression? Maybe there should be a public service announcement explaining various costume-related dangers.

Although it would be hard to feel too sorry for any asshat who gets a punch in the "MISSING SINCE: SATURDAY". What's clever or funny about dressing as a missing child on the side of milk carton?

Young women love Bingo! Apparently! If not, you should be able to find this costume, cheap, the day before Halloween. Bingo should become a new hip, anti-hip trend. Like knitting and... um... watching Matlock reruns. Do younger people do that yet? Add it to the list, right after Bingo!

Oh, right. The kids probably borrowed bowling from older people... at some point bowling was semi-popular among a younger set, wasn't it? Moreso than it is now, anyway? In any event, even if "bowling pin" was a good costume idea (which it is not), this one looks flat and awful.

Halloween is supposed to be frightening, but there are limits. Children this young can't choose their own costume. They're vulnerable. Be fair. And just because a costume is elaborate and draws attention in an embarrassing way, that does not mean it's cute.

To wit, this contraption.

Do some people have kids just so they can dress them up as food, or in other silly ways? If someone's really that into the hot dog idea, they should stuff themselves into one of these no doubt very comfortable phallic hot dog costumes.

Uh, yeah. Right... But they shouldn't inflict such a costume on anyone else...

That's just not right. Speaking of which, and more awful...

This outfit is listed as a Preteen French Maid costume. I was busy thinking that it isn't right to sell tweens such an overtly sexual, grown-up item when I noticed text reading: "related item: "Child's French Maid Costume" (emphasis added out of disgust).

The child's costume looks sexier; how disturbing is that? The younger girl's version, available in sizes youth medium (8-10) and large (10-12), comes with an adorable little headband. This girl is posing a bit coquettishly, lifting her skirt very high and raising a leg as if about to curtsy. She has a daintier, white-bristled feather duster. The effect is just more flirtatious and sexier than the older girls' version.

It's wrong that anyone would market a French maid costume for 8 year-olds. Does an 8 year-old understand the concept of a French maid? Should they? Should an 8 year-old try to be sexy? Should businesses try to sexualize children? Sure, at some age we women are required to do our duty and wear as little as possible every October 31st. We understand and accept that. Just leave girls alone.

Even the parents who think this is cute probably (or at least might) agree with me.


Blogger Pete P. said...

Hahaha, this was awesome!

I really admire those who dress up as food. One of my aspirations in this life is to dress as custard to some theme party. Sadly we don't have so many of that kind of parties in Finland.

The hot dog dog was really sick somehow... and the jack-in-a-box baby, truly scary!

P.S. There was a Monty Python Spam costume for sale on eBay a while ago. It looked like... a box of spam. And it reached a ridiculous sum.

1:31 PM  
Blogger trill42 said...

Belatedly (sorry!), thanks. :)

Dressing as custard, hmm... That could get fairly icky/sticky if you made it realistic. If you went that route, you could wear a scuba outfit of some kind underneath it to protect yourself from the dreaded custard-ear.

A box of spam? People are silly.

(Then again, one of your aspirations in life is to dress as custard, so, you know, people in glass houses... ;-) )

8:54 PM  

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