"Pizza is awesome. Sharing copyrighted material is not awesome."

The otherwise pretty non-fiendish Electronic Frontier Foundation hasn't put the text of this afternoon's hilarious prank newsletter on their website, forcing me to quote it in full. Oh, well. That's okay. A brief sample:

This week, the NSA announced SpySpace.com -- a social networking site developed by the NSA itself. SpySpace.com will allow ordinary Americans to instantly share their private data with the government -- eliminating the NSA's reliance on cumbersome requirements such as warrants.

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) raised the national threat level from 'High' to 'Severe' this weekend after a senior official stumbled upon Wikipedia.org, a popular online open-content encyclopedia.

~ Cory Doctorow Takes Vow of Silence Tracking services report Internet bandwidth usage shrinks 30%.

The whole newsletter - a great read, from a great organization:

EFFector Vol. 21, No. 12a April 1, 2008 editor@eff.org

A Publication of the Electronic Frontier Foundation
ISSN 1062-9424

In the 666th Issue of EFFector:
* EFF Uncovers Congressional Listening Program
* EFF Announces Plans to Move Offices to Armored Zeppelin
* Savage Threatens EFF Over Paradoxical Parody
* Homeland Security Official: Wikipedia Larger Threat Than Terrorism, Dixie Chicks Combined
* Wikileaks Admin Credentials Leaked Onto Wikileaks
* RIAA Study: Music Piracy More Common Than High-Fives, Bicycle Trips
* Comcast VP Slumber Injures Two, Frightens Dozens
* Telecoms Add to Immunity Demands or Will Refuse to Comply With Court Orders
* Spy Agency Announces New Social Network Site
* Comcast Testing Embedded Cameras in Your Living Room
* miniLinks (5): Federal Agencies Launch Stopthestopthespying.org
* Administrivia and EULA

For more information on EFF activities & alerts: http://www.eff.org/

Make a donation and become an EFF member today!
http://eff.org/support/

Tell a friend about EFF:
http://action.eff.org/site/Ecard?ecard_id=1061

effector: n, Computer Sci. A device for producing a desired change.

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* EFF Uncovers Congressional Listening Program

Elected Officials Caught Voting on Basis of the Results of Monitoring

San Francisco - Shocking new evidence presented to the media by the Electronic Frontier Foundation today indicates that elected officials may have been monitoring the opinions of millions of citizens and using the data collected to directly determine how they should vote in Congress.

The civil liberties organization made its claim today after the House's recent vote to deny retroactive immunity to telecommunication companies.

EFF's technical experts claim that this unusual voting behavior was driven by a massive program of surveilling their own constituents' communications.

"There's no way they would have voted this way without outsider information," said Cindy Cohn, EFF's Legal Director. "We have direct evidence showing that Congressional officials opened the letters of constituents, read their email and, -- with the craven complicity of the major telecommunications companies -- recorded phone calls left by thousands of innocent citizens. Having dragnetted the contents of those calls, they decided to vote down telecom immunity -- an act explicitly proscribed by expert industry lobbyists and Congress' own traditions and standards."

Cohn was particularly disturbed at the particular target of this surveillance. "Whistleblowers within the Congressional leadership have indicated to me that a large number of these intercepted calls came from EFF's own membership."

When contacted, most alleged victims said they had no proof they were being monitored. But some confessed they had become suspicious after the House of Representatives voted to keep telecom immunity out of their immunity bill earlier
this month.

"When I heard about the immunity bill, I have to say that I picked up my phone and called Washington," said one EFF member, who said she wished to remain anonymous. "Seconds after calling my Congressman's number, I heard clicking, then there was this muffled voice. I got the creepiest sensation that I was being listened to. A day later my representative voted exactly the way I had said he should. Right down to the word. It was like he was in my head. You think that was a coincidence?"

Legal experts suggest that, while unusual, Congress using evidence collected through the wholesale datamining of constituent communications may not be unconstitutional.
"Our founding fathers did not prohibit the federal use of evidence gathered from the mass surveillance of popular sentiment per se," said constitutional lawyer Mike Godwin, "although it has been traditionally a power used only under extremely rare conditions, such as close elections."

For this release:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* EFF Announces Plans to Move Offices to Armored Zeppelin

Maiden Voyage to France and Japan Planned to Liberate ISPs

San Francisco The Electronic Frontier Foundation announced its purchase of a $16.5 million dollar armored zeppelin, which will become the new EFF headquarters in
2009.

"We felt that our organization had outgrown its Mission District office space and that it was time to branch out into a new direction," says EFF's Executive Director, Shari Steele.

The new armor-plated, floating offices have been funded by anticipated revenues from Hepting v. AT&T, the class-action lawsuit filed by EFF in 2006 on behalf of AT&T customers, alleging that the telecom giant had violated the law by collaborating with the National Security Agency (NSA) in its massive, illegal program to wiretap and data-mine Americans' communications. Sources on the EFF's board of directors have been quoted as cackling, "Once our trial lawyers get our hands on that money, we will be unstoppable!"

The hydrogen-powered floating office will also help to increase EFF's international presence. The EFF office's first missions will be to travel to France and Japan where
ISPs in those two countries have given in to pressure from the music and record industries to institute a "three strikes" rule, which would throw customers offline,
possibly permanently, if rightsholders report that they have been infringing on their copyrights. The zeppelin will release an army of genetically-engineered winged monkeys, which will patiently explain why this scheme deprives Internet users of due process and their privacy before biting any nearby copyright maximalists and infecting them with rabies.

"Our new office heralds an exciting new chapter in the history of this organization," says EFF's Legal Director, Cindy Cohn. "And I will never have to worry about finding a parking space in the morning."

For this release:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* Savage Threatens EFF Over Paradoxical Parody

For most Americans, April 1 marks a day of jokes, laughs and smiles. Not so for grumpy radio-commentator Michael Savage, who checked his email Tuesday morning to find he had been parodied in the Electronic Frontier Foundation's weekly newsletter, "EFFector."

"The only thing worse than losing my [admittedly] frivolous lawsuit to that bunch of commie-loving hippies is having to read fake, silly quotes of mine they wrote," remarks Savage. "It's un-American, plain and simple, and I will complain about it on-air until my core constituency has even less respect for me."

Savage entered the limelight recently when he attempted to misuse copyright law to silence a non-profit critic, the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR).

"Michael Savage's frivolous and baseless lawsuit is a direct attack on First Amendment freedoms and on any citizen's right to comment on public issues," said CAIR Legal Counsel Nadhira Al-Khalili. "His suit is an abuse of the judicial system and a transparent attempt to punish those who challenge his hate-filled rhetoric."

Savage responded by saying, "Bunch o' homos."

EFF spokesperson Rebecca Jeschke had no comment.

For more on Savage's misuse of copyright law: http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2008/01/another-year-another-attempt-misuse-copyright-law-silence-critic

For this complete post:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* Homeland Security Official: Wikipedia Larger Threat Than Terrorism, Dixie Chicks Combined

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) raised the national threat level from 'High' to 'Severe' this weekend after a senior official stumbled upon Wikipedia.org, a popular online open-content encyclopedia.

"There is enough information at that website to allow anyone to know anything," said Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff in a statement Wednesday. "Such access poses a significant threat to the well-being and integrity of this administration."

An unnamed senior official became aware of the vast amounts of information online when he walked past his son's computer and saw the Wikipedia entry, "Project for the New American Century." He immediately edited the page, deleting the article before his son returned.

"Knowledge is power, and if the sum of human knowledge falls into the wrong hands, we risk a disaster incomprehensibly larger than Sept. 11. It'd be like Sept. 11 and the Dixie Chicks combined. Times a million."

The DHS announced plans to work with major telecoms to prevent American access to the popular website.

Wikipedia admins have been working overtime to restore the deleted page.

For this complete post:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* Wikileaks Admin Credentials Leaked Onto Wikileaks

Havoc ensued Friday evening at whistleblowing website Wikileaks.org after an individual anonymously leaked the superuser account and password for the site's MediaWiki installation.

Administrators were able to regain control early Sunday morning and spent the remainder of the day removing phallic imagery nefariously dispersed throughout the site.

For this post:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* RIAA Study: Music Piracy More Common Than High-Fives, Bicycle Trips

Findings from a two-year study released Monday by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) indicate that illicit music downloads among young adults are more popular than PB & J, high-fives, and all-around good times combined.

"With such concrete evidence as to the true extent of music downloading, I think it's clear we have an obligation to push forward and properly reprimand the assailants," said RIAA President Cary Sherman in a statement Monday.

The two-year study collected data from a sample of over 5,000 college students across the country. Individuals were asked to record the number of times a day they did a variety of common, college-aged activities including, but not limited to: making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, doing homework, throwing high-fives, rockin' out, riding bicycles, getting hyphy/crunk, eating pizza, skateboarding, being kidnapped, just chillin', enlisting in armed services, and using LimeWire.

"70% of individuals noted they use LimeWire more often than they eat pizza." Continued Sherman, "That's just not right. When I was in school, I ate pizza all-day everyday. Pizza is awesome. Sharing copyrighted material is not awesome."

"At least the results of this study seem slightly more accurate than the other studies we've seen," says EFF senior staff attorney Fred von Lohmann via email. "I'll
give them that much."

University students have traditionally been targeted by the RIAA for copyright infringement, beginning with the release of Napster, the first widespread file-sharing service. Peer-to-peer proponents fear this data will lead to another overwhelming tide of lawsuits aimed at universities and their students.

For more about the Motion Picture Association of America's revision of faulty, secret research results: http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2008/01/mpaa-s-error-oops-college-students-aren-t-so-bad-after-all

For this complete post:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* Comcast VP Slumber Injures Two, Frightens Dozens

Eyewitnesses report that Comcast executive vice president David L. Cohen dozed off while delivering his Powerpoint presentation at a Stanford-hosted FCC hearing on Friday.

"He was up there talking about packets and tubes, and then he gradually began mumbling and leaning into the screen, eventually falling and knocking it over," reports second-year law student, Travis Pazin.

Onlookers jumped to their feet as the 72-inch projection screen fell from the stage, injuring two and frightening many others. Visibly shaken, Cohen picked himself up and
began speaking as if nothing had happened. A drool stain adorned his American flag tie.

Comcast representatives were invited to the Stanford hearing to discuss the company's "network management practices." Public outcry erupted last month when it was discovered that citizens were denied entry to a public FCC hearing because Comcast paid employees to fill seats. Several employees were seen sleeping during the hearing, while others loudly applauded boring parts of Comcast's
presentation.

"I really don't see what the big deal is. The Internet is boring as hell," commented Comcast service technician, Nicholas Breen.

A source within the FCC indicated that a third hearing is being scheduled for May, this time with loud music and lots of coffee.

For this complete post:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* Telecoms Add to Immunity Demands or Will Refuse to Comply With Court Orders

Representatives of the telecommunications industry submitted to Congress a list of demands that "must be met" before they would comply with surveillance orders. The telecommunications carriers had previously threatened to not cooperate with future surveillance unless Congress provided retroactive immunity for their cooperation with Government surveillance programs.

While carrier cooperation is required by court orders, the Administration took up the telecom industry's cause, asserting that a failure to let companies like AT&T and Verizon off the hook would "undermine the private sector's willingness to cooperate with the Intelligence Community." The list of demands, which appeared to be crafted from pasted scraps meticulously sliced from magazine covers, included demands like eliminating all FCC regulations on telephone calls, multi-billion dollar government subsidies, and exemption from anti-trust laws.

"When the Senate actually gave in on retroactive immunity," said a knowledgeable telecommunications lobbyist speaking on condition of anonymity, "we had to ask ourselves 'why stop there?'"

Industry sources say that a new list is being compiled in case Congress accedes to today's demands. According to one industry source, a proposal to require Congressional leaders to kneel and kiss telecom executives' rings did not make the first cut but is under consideration for the next round.

For this complete post:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* Spy Agency Announces New Social Network Site

Move over Facebook and MySpace -- the NSA is now in the social networking business.

This week, the NSA announced SpySpace.com -- a social networking site developed by the NSA itself. SpySpace.com will allow ordinary Americans to instantly share their private data with the government -- eliminating the NSA's reliance on cumbersome requirements such as warrants.

SpySpace.com allows users to upload personal data about who their friends are, what sites they visit, what books and newspapers they are reading, and where they live directly into a massive database controlled by the NSA. Messages sent though the site will be automatically copied -- without warrants -- to a secure room controlled by the NSA. Third party apps make it easy to tag your friends as "suspicious" or "unpatriotic."

Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell hailed the site's potential. "Since Congress has so far failed to protect telecoms against lawsuits, wholesale domestic spying is more difficult than ever. SpySpace will give our agents the access they need to protect Americans in their homes -- all legally, and all without warrants or other restrictions."

SpySpace apologist Richard Esguerra expressed enthusiasm for the new site. "I think it's neat. I'm not doing anything wrong, so I don't have anything to hide. And if I can save the government the few seconds it takes to get a warrant, I'm helping my country fight evildoers."

The use of social networking sites has exploded in recent years, with millions of people making private information public by uploading data about their social networks, consumption habits, and travel patterns.

For more about social networking sites and the growing
potential for privacy violations:
http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2007/09/myspace-and-facebook-plan-use-personal-data-targeted-advertising

For this complete post:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* Comcast Testing Embedded Cameras in Your Living Room

In an interview with a blogger, Comcast's Senior Vice-President of User Experience, Gerard Kunkel, revealed tests of new, built-in camera technology that recognizes TV viewers in the room, then uses that information to deliver program recommendations and targeted advertising.

Kunkel hinted that the system could recognize when children were present, offering parental controls or automatically displaying an episode of Dora the Explorer or the Backyardigans. Kunkel attempted to allay privacy fears by saying that the system was not based on facial recognition. Instead, it distinguishes between members of a household by recognizing body forms.

Kunkel ended the interview saying, "In Comcastic world, television watches YOU!"

For more about Comcast's camera technology trials:
http://newteevee.com/2008/03/18/comcast-cameras-to-start-watching-you/

For this complete post:
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

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* miniLinks
The week's noteworthy news, compressed.

~ Federal Agencies Launch Stopthestopthespying.org U.S. law enforcement agencies start grassroots campaign to counter grassroots campaign.
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

~ Telecom Officials Get Flu Shots Shots include the only immunity the telecoms should get.
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

~ Every Last Spoon In EFF Offices Found Bent Paranormalist activity detected around San Francisco's Mission District.
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

~ Cory Doctorow Takes Vow of Silence Tracking services report Internet bandwidth usage shrinks 30%.
http://www.eff.org/pages/04/01

~ Google Selling Services to the Government A small group at Google sells search and information sharing tools to federal agencies. (Really.)
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/03/30/BUQLUAP8L.DTL

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* Administrivia and EULA

EFFector is published by:
The Electronic Frontier Foundation
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+1 415 436 9333 (voice)
+1 415 436 9993 (fax)
http://www.eff.org/

Editor:
Richard Esguerra, EFF Activist
richard@eff.org

Membership & donation queries:
membership@eff.org

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