Incredible Hulk & Black Ice Slurpees: Consumed, Survived
Anyone else pick up a free Slurpee directly after a dentist appointment today? I usually prefer water or tea, but it's hard to resist the lure of a free Slurpee in the flavor(s) of my choice. I was particularly intrigued after spotting a small ad for an "Incredible Hulk" flavor. What would a Hulk Slurpee taste like? The ad, perhaps sensing an opportunity to create an excited, confused buzz, left it to the imagination.
The flavors at the 7-Eleven I stopped at included Coca-Cola, the Incredible Hulk (hooray!), Peach-Mango, Black Ice (another new one), and Super Sour Watermelon. I asked the clerk what the mysterious Incredible Hulk Slurpee tastes like. "I don't know," he said. "I haven't tried it." He reacted with a bit of surprise to my query, as though it was a slightly odd question. "I think it might taste like lime," I suggested. "Because it's green. But I don't know what 'The Hulk' would taste like." He said nothing. Unfazed, I asked if he knows what Black Ice tastes like. "I don't know. I don't drink Slurpees." That's fair enough, but doesn't corporate provide franchises with information about what they're selling? If so, they might as well read it. Press releases and other corporate-authored materials are awesome.
I went for a Hulk/Black Ice combo, filling the small cup with alternating swooshes of pale green and very-dark-grape-colored Slurpee. I quickly realized there were no lids for the elfin cups but took a straw, thanked the clerk, and left.
"Hulk", I can report", tastes mostly like slushy sugar... it's mildly tangy, sweet, and has a slight lime taste. According to the official 411 on the drink, it turns out it's a) officially called "Radiation Rush" (yikes!) and b) "flavored like a tropical fruit smoothie made with strawberries, pineapple, lime and a twist of guarana". Wow, it's retroactively much more delicious now. Who knew the Hulk would inspire a tropical delight as a marketing tie-in? I would have predicted something edgier... I guess when you think "The Incredible Hulk", you think "I'd like a twist of guarana with my tropical smoothie, my good man!"
Black Ice is supposed to be "the first totally black Slurpee!" And, beware, 7-Eleven claims it "will make you howl at the moon." So far I have felt no temptation to do so, but that's not to say I had no physical reaction to the stuff.
It does taste grape-y, as I thought it would once I realized it's a sort of midnight-grape color. As a lovely bonus, it stains lips and teeth. It's very sweet, overly so to the extent that I started coughing while drinking it. I wasn't drinking it too fast, and didn't get brain freeze... There was no howling, but there was a sort of visceral reaction to the stuff, and as I type this, I feel an unpleasant, slightly sticky sensation at the back of my throat.
Pictured above, for size comparisons, the Slurpee cup next to a 1-pint bottle of water (with the label removed, for some reason, though I'm mentioning the Slurpee® registered trade mark dozens of times.)
While the issue of what city buys the most Slurpees is arguable, Winnipeg has held the Slurpee World Title for nine years in a row. Detroit buys the most Slurpees in the U.S. It's interesting that a city with a warm climate doesn't sell the most. Not fascinating, but interesting. Although I bet that 7-Eleven clerk would not find it even mildly intriguing.
Ken Nordine - Black (on Colors)